Dating for aid workers - your opinion is wanted!

[Kristian Brakel]

Hi,
My name is Kristian, and I am with IRIN.
IRIN is the UN OCHA's news and analysis service, reporting on humanitarian issues around the globe.
Some of you may already know our service: www.irinnews.org

We try to cover subjects and news that matter to you working in the aid field.

One thing that I found that many aid workers have to cope with is to manage their private life.

How to find a suitable partner, who is willing to accompany you when going on missions?
How to cope with limited dating opportunities while being in the field?
Is aid work the death sentence to every longtime relationship?
Do high risk duty stations make it more and more difficult to bring your partner and family with you?
Is all this a reason for you to pursue a different career or to hope for a posting at HQ?

I would be very interested to hear your oppinions. Either here in the forum, or if you prefer more
anonymity, I would love to conduct brief phone interviews with you (as stated, your names do not have to appear
in print, if you do not wish so).

You can either post here or send an email to (also if you have any further questions):
[e-mail]

Looking forward hearing from you!

Kristian

[AidSource]

http://aidsource.ning.com/group/work-life/forum/topics/dating-witho...

[M.]

well, I believe some of the issues could be improved if only the HR policies of the diverse aid-industry employers would treat people as people and not as cattle,as they do now.

For instance, offer indefinite contracts that do not depend on project. The person can then see longer term, even if work wont be in the same place but at least there will be income coming in, some career building and the social rights that usually go with indefinite contracts (at least in Europe). This is something that depends solely on the WILL of the industry.

Also, and if only: pay better. here things very enormously. Some frenchies and spaniards are a shame! while UK ngos tends to pay a bit better. But hey pay peanuts? get monkeys. not willing to insult anyone. it's just a say. I mean, treat your staff well if you want them to stick around.

hope some HR decision maker somewhere reads this...

[Kristian Brakel]

Hi guys,

The story has now been published on our website:

http://irinnews.org/Report/96620/AID-POLICY-Fifty-shades-of-aid-lov...

Thanks to all of you, who contributed!

Best,

Kristian

[Kristian Brakel]

To maybe clarify the questions a bit, here is what I am interested in:

-In your experience is dating/finding a partner/maintainings a relationship different when you are in the field than when you are at home?

-If so, what are the major challenges?

-Do you think these are different for men and women? If so, how?

-What about dating locals? How is that looked upon by colleagues/employers? Any policy of your organization in place in this regard?

Would be great, if you could help me out with some answers. As I wrote, all can be anonymized. But if you could give me some indication of where you work (country) and if you are male or female and your approximate age, that would be great.

If you do not like to write so much text, I could also call you on Skype or phone.

[Kristian Brakel]

Hi  J.  & Andreailcujo thanks for your answers. 

I'll drop you both a private message.

In regard to the question, if IRIN has no other things to tend to - fair point, but let me quickly explain:

IRIN is a news service dedicated to cover topics that matter to aid workers and the humanitarian community as a whole. As you can see from our website, the majority of our stories cover things like conflicts, disasters and aid policy issues.

However in my experience how happy aid workers are with their private lives while on mission has an impact on their ability to perform good work. Therefore the topic matters.

Happy to see more people sharing their experiences.

[J.]

Okay, I'll bite:

Without confirming or denying anything specific and all of that... I'll just say that in my own experience the humanitarian industry has generally proved to be highly un-family friendly, un-relationship friendly.

I'm not talking so much about the nature of the work itself (frequent travel, dangerous/high stress environments, intensive opportunity and sometimes even pressure to fraternize [what I like to call 'team house stockholm syndrome'], all in a context of belief that one is 'doing good'...). In that sense I don't see aid work as so very different from,say, being in the military, being a foreign correspondent, working on an offshore oil rig...

I am talking more about the nature of the industry itself. I am talking about the fact that despite frequent mission statement and workplace lip service towards being 'committed to our staff', in reality The Industry frequently and regularly pits workers against their families, their relationships.

It is hard to date as an aid worker. It is hard to keep a relationship. It is hard to stay married, once married. It is hard to be a "good" spouse/partner/parent.

Yes, I know that making hard choices is part of life. But/and it still manages to come as a surprise to many aid workers to learn that very often they cannot have it all. They have to choose: fulfulling career, good position, high (for the aid world) salary, plum deployment or expat posting. OR. The family, the house, kids who do well in school, be that "good" spouse/partner/parent.

[Andreailcujo]

well, sounds nice but I think your request is not clear; anyway if you have questions drop me a message. I thought people at Irin and Ocha were busy with more urgent issues by the way.. :)

[Kristian Brakel]

maybe to make that clear again - as I see that a lot of people view this post, but no one reacts - we are interested in your general observations/opinion on this topic i.e. there is no need to share any personal stories.