(The Humanitarian Social Network)
I feel a bit of an outsider these days (I mean it's just a it more pronounced these days)
I get angry because people around me not only complain about the most superficial stuff (when in fact none of their childrne died of a simple diarreha today) but becasue they seem unable to see and value what they have, in material terms as in affective, emotional. They are somehow in a state of continuous dissatisfaction with life, while blind to their blessings. Drives me crazy.
Like this very close family member who just bought a nice town house some months ago (luxury many cant afford), and each time she speaks about it it is to comments ils "flaws", never any good aspect to her life there, and continually comments on how she would like this or that other house. Today we got in an argument, I left the scene. I just felt there was not just no will not listen to me, but no will to see the good side of life. And this angered me greatly.
Complaining, wishing for other (unnattainable or just plan inexistent) things/lives, ideas...) as well as simple consumption and accumulation, seem to be the ways of dealing with the outside world around me. People badly want things they dont need while they seem momentarily happy and fulfilled when purchasing items, whatever item. Then they want something else, or something "more, better" (Im in Europe right now, in a reasonably big city).
Might seem a stupid thing, this house stuff, but today it was the sparkle that ignited my anger, moreover becasue this person is inmy family and we really do not have the same values and priorities in life. I though, "well you would need to spend some time in a IDP camp in the middle of darfur, or around people paralysed in wheelchairs who cant wipe their ass. for F+++ sake!" I was very, very angry at this dissatisfaction and at the refusal to value what she had.
Normally, when I hear people debating for hours about the right kind of cutlery to buy Im just annoyed. This time, I was genuinely very angry/fed up, becasue it seemed to me almost a choice this perosn made of chosing to be a complainer. Choosing dissatisfaction, when she has it all for god's sake!
but beyond this....:Is it me? Am I strange? has humanitarian work made me unfit for life outside of extreme contexts?
Is is all right to "measure" up the world and our place in it, our desires and sorrows, with the measuring tape of extreme suffering, lacks and violence?
Has the work and life in these places of violence (whatever kind and scope) let me handicapped, unsuitable, for "nornality" in the "western world"? I see so much futility around. The whole society functioning seems ot be built around futile endeavours. I dont' know how ot relate to that.
How can my values be so different than those of my close family? Why I get so angry at the dissatisfation of others?